Marriage Therapy Archives - Marriage Therapy Dublin

Marriage Therapy Dublin Can Help

sebastian — Fri, 19 Jul 2024 12:05:38 +0000

Marriage therapy in Dublin can indeed provide significant help and support for couples facing challenges in their relationship. Here are several ways in which marriage therapy in Dublin can be beneficial:

1. **Improved Communication Skills**: Therapists help couples learn effective communication techniques, enabling them to express their feelings and needs more clearly and listen attentively to each other. This can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.

2. **Conflict Resolution**: Therapy sessions teach couples constructive ways to resolve conflicts and disagreements. Couples learn how to negotiate, compromise, and find solutions that are acceptable to both parties.

3. **Rebuilding Trust**: If trust has been eroded due to issues like infidelity or breaches of trust, marriage therapists in Dublin can facilitate honest conversations and guide couples through the process of rebuilding trust over time.

4. **Addressing Intimacy Issues**: Therapists can help couples address issues related to intimacy, both emotional and physical. They work with couples to explore underlying factors affecting intimacy and develop strategies to enhance closeness and connection.

5. **Navigating Life Transitions**: Marriage therapy supports couples during major life transitions such as becoming parents, career changes, or relocation. Therapists assist couples in adapting their relationship dynamics to accommodate new circumstances.

6. **Managing Stress and External Pressures**: Therapists provide tools and techniques to help couples manage stress from external sources such as work, family, or financial pressures. This can prevent these stressors from negatively impacting the relationship.

7. **Identifying and Changing Negative Patterns**: Therapists help couples recognize and understand recurring negative patterns of behavior or communication that contribute to relationship difficulties. By identifying these patterns, couples can work together to change them and create healthier dynamics.

8. **Enhancing Emotional Connection**: Therapy sessions foster emotional connection by creating a safe space for couples to express vulnerabilities, fears, and hopes. This deepens understanding and empathy between partners.

9. **Promoting Individual Growth**: Marriage therapy encourages individual growth and self-awareness, which can strengthen the relationship. Therapists may help individuals address personal issues that affect the relationship dynamics.

10. **Renewing Commitment**: Engaging in therapy demonstrates a commitment to the relationship and a willingness to invest in its long-term success. This shared effort can renew commitment and reinforce the bond between partners.

In Dublin, couples have access to qualified marriage therapists who offer specialized expertise in helping couples navigate relationship challenges and strengthen their bond. Whether facing specific issues or seeking to enhance their relationship, marriage therapy in Dublin provides valuable support and guidance to couples striving for a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.

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Does Marriage Therapy Work

sebastian — Fri, 02 Feb 2024 14:30:51 +0000

Does Marriage Therapy Work – Marriage Therapy Dublin Ireland

Yes, marriage therapy can be effective for many couples, but the success of therapy depends on various factors. Here are some key considerations:

1. **Commitment and Willingness:** Both partners need to be committed to the therapy process and willing to actively participate. The openness to change and the willingness to work on the relationship are crucial for positive outcomes.

2. **Therapist Competence:** The effectiveness of marriage therapy is often influenced by the competence and expertise of the therapist. A skilled and experienced therapist can guide couples through the process, help them understand each other better, and provide effective strategies for improving the relationship.

3. **Timing:** Early intervention tends to be more successful. Seeking therapy before problems escalate can help couples address issues before they become deeply entrenched.

4. **Nature of Issues:** The type and severity of the issues the couple is facing play a role in the effectiveness of therapy. Marriage therapy can address a wide range of issues, including communication problems, trust issues, intimacy concerns, and more.

5. **Communication Skills:** Marriage therapy often focuses on improving communication between partners. Learning and implementing effective communication skills can significantly contribute to the success of therapy.

6. **Realistic Expectations:** Couples should have realistic expectations about what therapy can achieve. While therapy can provide tools and insights, it may not “fix” everything, and ongoing effort is often required.

7. **Follow-Through:** Success in marriage therapy often depends on the couple’s ability to apply what they learn in therapy to their daily lives. Consistent effort to implement positive changes is essential.

8. **Individual Factors:** The mental health and individual well-being of each partner can impact the success of therapy. Sometimes, individual therapy may be recommended alongside couples therapy.

It’s important to note that not all couples will experience the same results, and some relationships may not benefit from therapy. Additionally, if there are issues of abuse or if one or both partners are not willing to engage in the process, therapy may be less effective.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue marriage therapy and its success depends on the unique dynamics of each relationship. Couples should carefully consider their motivations, be open to the process, and actively engage in the therapeutic journey for the best chance of success.

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Top 5 Signs to Seek Marriage Counselling

sebastian — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 13:15:47 +0000

Marriage Therapy

Top 5 Signs to Seek Marriage Counselling

When to seek marriage counseling

Marriage Counselling is essential to any successful, long-term relationship. It has many benefits, including better communication between partners, an improved understanding of the other partner’s habits, and identifying strengths and weaknesses within the relationship.

Here’s a compilation of pieces of information I’ve gathered on couples counselling: handling conflict, “making things better,” creating the right environment, and the importance of listening. Let your partner read this as well! Hopefully, you can come out as a unified front after reading this hub.

When a relationship isn’t working, couples counselling can help. A counsellor can help couples identify and work through issues that may be causing them pain and preventing them from working through the problems in their relationship.

Signs you need marriage counseling

Sign 1: Poor Communication

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Yet, many people struggle in their marriage. They feel unheard, and their marriage feels unstimulating. This is a common problem, but you shouldn’t have to live with it.

If you and your spouse are having trouble communicating, it might be time to consider Marriage counselling.

No communication in a marriage can be just as damaging as poor communication. When couples stop expressing their needs, feelings, or concerns, emotional distance begins to grow. This silence can create an environment of confusion, resentment, and disconnection. Over time, the lack of openness and vulnerability erodes the foundation of trust and intimacy.

Better communication between couples leads to more satisfaction in their relationships, more closeness, less conflict, fewer affairs, less jealousy, more love, and more sex.

Poor communication in a marriage leads to both partners feeling unheard, misunderstood, and unloved. It can lead to partners feeling insecure in their relationship and can lead to either partner feeling abandoned or abandoned. Poor communication can lead to arguments, fights, and relationship problems.

Couples counselling helps couples to see their relationship from different perspectives, increases communication, and gives them skills to communicate more effectively.

Sign 2: Marriage Counselling is Needed When You are Unable to Forget Past and Move On

Relationships are complex. One minute, you’re best friends. The next, you’re at each other’s throats. And the reason you’re at each other’s throats is simply that you don’t agree on something. Or maybe you just feel like you’re tired of being together.

Whatever the reason, you can’t seem to get past the Past and move on with your life. That’s when you need Marriage counselling to help you get out of that. Marriage counselling is a special kind of counselling where a couple meets and works with a therapist to talk about their relationship.

It’s usually performed with one partner, and then the other is invited or encouraged to attend. There are three basic steps to Marriage counselling:

The first session helps define your situation as a couple. The counsellor asks you questions and then, based on your answers, describes what you should do to improve your relationship.
The second session helps you identify any issues that you and your partner are responsible for. The counsellor then helps you set goals and expectations for the future.
The third session is used to give you a chance to review your progress. The counsellor asks you questions to assess your progress and helps you identify any problems that have arisen.

Couples counselling is designed to strengthen a relationship, but it’s more than therapy. Couples who go to counselling together are likely to put more effort into working on their relationship.

Sign 3: Financial Issues

Your finances are an integral part of your relationship. When your life is a mess, so is your relationship. And while finances can be a source of constant stress, finances are also a huge source of conflict in relationships.

If you’re like most people, you probably have a love/hate relationship with your finances. On the one hand, you know you need to sit down and talk about money with your significant other — but on the other, the prospect of hashing it all out together is enough to make you want to run and hide. That’s when you need Marriage counselling.

Marriage counsellors will help you overcome such issues by building a trustful relationship with them and helping them to get over their finances.

Sign 4: Marriage Counselling is Must When You Have Trouble in Handling the Kids

Are you struggling to get the kids to be well-behaved? Are you having trouble handling conflicts with your significant other? These problems can be difficult for anyone, but they can be especially tough for single parents.

The good news is that there are plenty of online parenting and relationship counselling programs available to help. Many of these services offer affordable monthly fees, compared with typical therapy costs. But here we would recommend you visiting Marriage Therapy; we are the best marriage therapist in the town.

Sign 5: A Recurring Issue Between You and Your Partner

Marriage counselling is a good option for couples with recurring relationship issues. Sometimes, a couple needs someone to help them work through an issue, and a therapist or counsellor can be that person.

Relationship problems don’t usually go away on their own. If you take the time to address them, though, you can often find a way to work things out.

However, some problems are harder to address than others.

For example, if a relationship is plagued by recurring infidelity, it’s nearly impossible to hold it together. This destructive behaviour usually does irreparable damage to a relationship, and unless someone is willing to get help, it’s almost impossible to rebuild.

A therapist or counsellor can help couples address issues like this, but it might make sense to seek out Marriage counselling for recurring issues. A therapist or counsellor can sit down with a couple and help them work through recurring issues.

How can marriage counselling help

As a marriage guidance counsellor based in Dublin, I’ve seen firsthand how marriage counselling can help couples reconnect, improve communication, and work through challenges together. Whether you’re facing ongoing conflict or just feel distant, marriage counselling in Dublin offers a safe, supportive space to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.

In this article, we have discussed the signs after that one should seek Marriage counselling. Marriage counselling can be very effective in building up a healthy relationship. If you observe any of the above signs in your relationship, then you must visit a couple of counsellors.

Check out our Marriage counselling services and get rid of all of your fears and give your relationship a head start.

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5 major reasons couple seek a therapist

sebastian — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 12:52:24 +0000

Marriage Therapy

5 Major reasons couple seek a therapist

There’s no denying that seeking couples counselling (a couple seek a therapist for this) is a somewhat intimate process. Relationships are among some of the most personal parts of our lives.

And while some might consider it impossible to be on the same page on everything with their partner. There are certain moments in every relationship when even the smallest issues can feel like life-changing experiences.

Couples counselling is the best way to perfect your relationship and keep it healthy. People try to solve their problems by themselves without realizing that the issues and conflicts they face need professional help and attention.

Let’s see here whether we can’t get inside the minds of a few couples and figure out why they got into therapy:

Reason 1: Why Couple Seek a Therapist? Addictions Such as Drug and Porn

Being with a partner who is addicted to any kind of substance or porn is a very difficult situation for anyone. It is not only the addiction that can be troubling, but it can also be dealing with withdrawal symptoms and going through the rehabilitation process with the person.

If you request advice from a large number of people on how best to deal with a partner’s addiction, there will be a lot of different answers, but most will advise that a couple’s therapist should be used.

Because couple therapist knows how to deal such problem and how to give therapies to get rid of those addictions

Reason 2: Lack of Trust

In a relationship, if you mistrust your partner, or they feel you don’t trust them, it could put a strain on the relationship.

Trust is an important issue in any relationship. But it’s something to particularly think about in your relationship if you are always arguing with your partner or having the same sort of recurring issues that don’t get resolved.

There are many life situations when the relationship between two people is in crisis. The very existence of this type of relationship is in danger. It can be said that in this situation, there is no mutual understanding.

Overcoming a lack of trust by couple therapy will help an individual to change his/her beliefs about relationships, look at them differently and reevaluate their purposes.

Reason 3: Trauma

When you have experienced abuse, infidelity, trauma, or neglect, you are left with unwanted feelings of shame, anger, resentment, and fear. You want to feel better, but what do you do?

Go to a therapist and promptly get the help you deserve. But if this isn’t convenient for you, where can you go? Consider couple therapy.

Couple therapy can be an effective way to heal trauma caused by infidelity. It’s important to find the right therapist that will help your relationship. Working with that person can conjure up strong emotions. This guide will show you what you should know before choosing a therapist. Additionally, we will show key issues to consider during therapy, and tips for getting therapy to work for you.

Reason 4: Depression and Anxiety

In today’s society, marriage and relationships are everywhere. With the rise of online dating and social media, more and more people are seeking out a relationship. However, not everyone has a happy ending.

Depression and anxiety in couples and couple therapy are unfortunately common. Statistics show that one in five women and one in six men will suffer from a depressive disorder at some point in their lives.

Many of these disorders are of a milder form, such as depression, which affects the mood or feelings of a person. However, depression can also affect an individual’s motivation and energy. There is also the more serious disorder known as manic depression, which affects the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves.

Depression and anxiety in couples and couple therapy can be difficult to diagnose and treat. When symptoms become severe, it can affect the way a person interacts with others. While depression is treatable, many people do not seek treatment for this mental health disorder.

Depression and anxiety in relationships can have an impact on a marriage or a relationship.

Some signs of depression or anxiety disorders in couples include changes in eating and food habits and sleeping patterns, such as insomnia. The appearance of new or increased anxiety can also be a sign. Depression can be for different reasons, but if due to some relationship-related issue, then most couples opt for couple therapy to treat their depression and anxiety.

Reason 5: Loss of Child

The loss of a child or partner is emotionally painful and devastating. The loss of a child, the grief one feels can be overwhelming. You wonder how you will ever recover from such pain.

Your grief can go with guilt and will be a shame because of the circumstances. Many couples and families experience a lack of communication in their relationships and miss critical aspects of each other’s lives.

In such situations, most couples go for therapists to seek help as they are the experts on such issues and can help you overcome that and start a new life.

Conclusion

Couple therapy (also called marriage therapy) is a type of psychotherapy where a couple meets, in person, with one or more therapists.

The therapists attempt to help the couple understand the problems between the two of them and devise strategies to solve those problems. The two most common goals of couples therapy are to improve communication and resolve conflicts.

Many couples seek therapy because one or both of them believes the other is emotionally or mentally abusive. However, therapy can also address issues that have nothing to do with abuse, such as infidelity, sex differences, or parenting problems.

Now, in this article, we have discussed the major reasons couples seek a therapist. If you are a couple and facing such problems in your life, then you should seek a professional couple therapist without any fear. If you are looking for a couple of therapists, then we would recommend you to check out Marriage Therapy.

We are sure it’s going to help you a lot to give you a new spirit.

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Compromising In A Relationship

sebastian — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 12:35:36 +0000

Marriage Therapy

Compromising In A Relationship

COMPROMISE

Ask anyone what makes a successful relationship, and the necessity of compromise is bound to come up. Most people – including psychologists, marriage counsellors and relationship experts – believe that willingness to compromise is essential for a happy relationship. Here is an example: John wanted to spend his holiday golfing; his wife Catherine did not mind the destination as long as she got some to spend time with her husband, and their children wanted to visit Disneyland.

In order to keep everyone happy, John decided to take the family to Florida but asked Catherine if she would be willing to let him spend three days on the golf course instead of in the theme parks. Catherine felt this was a fair compromise, provided they scheduled a few romantic dates together after the children had gone to bed. John agreed. In this instance, John and Catherine reached a compromise that allowed them, and their children, to get what they wanted from the family holiday.

We all know that compromise can be tricky. Here is another example. Thomas and Gina were engaged and planning to marry. Gina wanted to keep her surname instead of taking Thomas’, but he was unhappy about her decision. They considered using both surnames, but they agreed that this double-barrelled name was too long and unwieldy. Gina suggested that Thomas take her surname instead, but he was unwilling to do so since this was not ‘tradition’. Because neither of them wished to change their names, the couple reached an impasse and they were worried that their inability to find a compromise meant that their marriage was doomed.

Interestingly, psychologists have found that sometimes compromise is the worst thing you can do. If one person always compromises – particularly if this is done automatically without letting his or her partner know – there is a good chance that, sooner or later, he or she is going to feel resentful. In a case like this, it is the compromise that has caused a problem. We find it hard to compromise when we are asked to give up our ideals, dreams or something we believe is central to our sense of self.

This is why Gina was unwilling to take her husband’s surname – she felt her surname was a part of who she was and losing it would mean giving up her identity as a person. If we agree to compromise our ideals simply to resolve an argument, our feelings are unlikely to change, and again, we may feel we have compromised too much of ourselves for the relationship. This is not a successful strategy for long-term happiness.

How to Compromise?

There are instances when you should compromise and times when you should not. It is never a good idea to compromise your values and principles – doing so may lead to far greater problems in the long run. Instead, you should accept that you and your partner are individuals who see the world differently and that neither one of you has all the answers. Always look at the situation from your partner’s perspective before deciding whether or not you need to compromise.

For some ‘hot-button’ issues, such as money and sex, you both may have to compromise. For example, if one person wants sex to be romantic and the other prefers something a little more daring, you may find that agreeing to do what your partner wants means that he or she will be more willing to please you as well.

Be willing to compromise for each other’s families. In-laws can be difficult and demanding, but when you marry someone, you marry their family too – at least to some extent – and finding a way to get along will help you to avoid conflict. It is necessary to find a workable compromise when it comes to childrearing and discipline. Children, even young children, learn very quickly that their parents disagree, and are well able to pit parents against each other and exploit this to their own advantage.

Psychologists such as John Gottman believe that we have to learn to accept conflict and difference as part of a good relationship. Gottman tells the story of how he and his wife Julie, who is also a relationship expert, once had a problem that took five years to resolve. Couples who are happy and have strong relationships still have terrible fights now and again and are not always able to find a neat compromise to solve the problem.

Compromising In A Relationship

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20 Questions For Couples

sebastian — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 12:33:52 +0000

Marriage Therapy

20 Questions for couples

20 Questions For Couple

We all think that we know our partners really well, but how well is that exactly? You may know how your partner feels about children or that they had a crush on their English teacher in school, but it’s amazing how much information we do not share. Do the following exercise with your partner. Answer these questions for yourself and for your partner. Once you have done it, swap answer sheets and give your partner two points for each correct answer, but subtract a point for every wrong or half correct answer.

1. What stresses am I facing right now?
2. What is my fondest unrealised dream?
3. What is my biggest fear?
4. What’s my all-time favourite film?
5. What is my favourite time for lovemaking?
6. What is my favourite way to spend an evening on my own?
7. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life?
8. What one thing am I most proud of about myself?
9. What am I most proud of in my career to date?
10. Name one of my best childhood experiences.
11. Who is my greatest source of support other than you?
12. Name an important event in my life and how I felt about it.
13. Who was my best friend in childhood?
14. What am I most often sad about?
15. What is my favourite food?
16. What would I consider to be my ideal job?
17. What was my most embarrassing moment?
18. Where was I born?
19. Who is my favourite relative?
20. What would be the first thing I’d buy if I won the lottery?

The point of this exercise is not to get a great score (although, well done if you did); it is to stimulate sharing. Consider your partner’s answers. How well did you know what your partner would answer? If you didn’t know many of his or her answers, why is that? Did your memory fail you? Or have you both been holding out telling each other about your past, family life and your innermost fears and dreams?

It is easy to forget to do that. Oddly enough, at the beginning of a relationship couples tend to share snippets of personal information, but the better we know one another, the more likely we are to let daily concerns, such as work or children, dominate our conversations. Most of us do not know our partners as well as we think. The point of this exercise, and of our book, is to make you consider the many unknown factors that influence who you are and how this affects how you relate to each other.

Questions For Couples

Book a marriage therapy session now!

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Goals Of Marriage

sebastian — Tue, 21 Sep 2021 12:32:11 +0000

Marriage Therapy

Goals of marriage

GOALS OF MARRIAGE

Why do people get married? Between 2008 and 2009 over two thousand Irish couples were surveyed and asked to name five reasons why they were planning to marry. Most could come up with only a few answers. The majority responded that they wanted to show commitment; that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together; or that they wished to start a family. However, a worrying number of couples responded that family pressure had played a role; that they felt marriage was expected by society; or that because they had been together for so long, marriage was simply the next logical step. Wishing to spend the rest of your lives together and have a family are valid reasons for marriage. However, in the developed world it is quite possible to do this without getting married. Yet people still choose to marry. In some countries, there may be financial and legal benefits to being married, and to raising children in a union recognized by the state, but very few couples mentioned these practicalities, and they rarely prompt people to get married. Despite the fact that marriage is a big decision and should be a positive step in a couple’s relationship when questioned further, most couples were unable to say how getting married would benefit their relationship. What are the benefits or goals of marriage? Family and relationship therapists believe that marriage has three major goals: the creation of a family; happiness; and the personal growth of the individuals involved. The vast majority of couples marry with the intention of having children, so starting a family is the most obvious goal. However, there is a great difference between having children and the creation of a loving family, which is much harder to achieve. It demands time, skill, and lots and lots of patience. Therapists suggest that a good rule of thumb is to strive to become the parent you would like your partner to be and to develop within yourself the qualities, that you value in your partner or valued in your parents. Therapists believe that most people get married in the hope that this will increase their store of personal happiness. A good marriage can and will increase happiness, but even the best marriage can help only so much. If you are a naturally pessimistic person or regularly suffer from low moods, marriage is very unlikely to change you. However, spending time with those who cherish, value, and care about you creates positive sentiments, and you feel happier as a result. Marriage does not form a barrier to the stresses and strains of life, but a good relationship can make them easier to bear. Our closest companions are often the ones who bear the brunt of our bad moods and complaints; because of this, it is important to spend enough time together where you act in a loving manner towards each other. This is called ‘positive sentiment override’. Without enough positive sentiment, the setbacks of life and the struggles and difficulties of marriage can overwhelm you. Lack of positive sentiment makes a relationship unstable; a husband or wife in this situation is likely to question the relationship and conclude that the marriage is not contributing to his or her personal happiness. Marriage affords an opportunity for personal growth. Therapists believe that this is one of marriage’s most important goals. When prompted, most of the couples interviewed said they believed that marriage would help them to grow and develop – in that it would help them to become more mature and responsible adults. However, very few of us think through the implications of how this might work. When we are single or living alone, we do what we like. If we choose to spend our free time watching sport, cleaning the house, playing computer games, shopping, drinking with our friends or working, there is no one to stop us – we please ourselves. Marriage helps us grow because it holds up a mirror to our shortcomings. While we might well have disliked things about ourselves as single people, most of the criticism directed at us was self-criticism. When we marry or live with a partner, it is a lot harder to hide from our flaws – there is always somebody willing to tell us. When people get married there is a period of adjustment. Quite often people behave in ways their partners dislike, but without meaning to hurt or annoy them. Very few of us can withstand constant criticism – even if we are genuinely in the wrong and have behaved in a selfish, immature or inconsiderate way. Most people take criticism to heart and we begin to see ourselves based on the complaints of our loved ones. This spurs on some to make improvements; others get defensive and decide that their partners are unreasonable or impossible to please. One of the smartest things a couple can do is to have regular discussions about their relationship. You could decide to do this every three or six months. During this ‘state of the nation’, a couple discusses how the relationship has changed and developed over the last period, what positive adjustments both parties have made, and where improvement is still needed. Positive feedback is just as important as problems and complaints. Positive feedback reinforces our goodwill to grow and develop as people and makes us more willing to tackle problems. A frank and honest discussion about the marriage also offers a chance for both people to reflect on the relationship, reaffirm why they are together, discuss what they hope to achieve as a couple, and reignite the meaning behind their marriage.

Goals Of Marriage

We would like to help you achieve this goal. Book a marriage therapy session now!

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How accepting are you?

sebastian — Tue, 10 Aug 2021 17:27:20 +0000

Marriage Therapy

How accepting are you?

Here’s a scenario: you are out with your partner, your partner’s brother and his wife. We’ll call them William and Lucy. Your partner is very fond of brother William, and William is very much in love with his wife Lucy. Unfortunately you find Lucy hard to take. At dinner she complains bitterly about her job, the waiter, the food, the weather, even the television schedule. Nobody else seems to mind, but Lucy is driving you nuts. What do you do:

Grin and bear it
Tell Lucy to shut up
Have a good old moan yourself on the way home

Whatever you do, there is going to be someone suffering. If you opt for number one, it’ll be you. After all you’ll have to listen to Lucy! If you tell her to shut up, Lucy, William and probably your partner will be angry with you. The third choice is a little trickier. It is okay to let off steam, but if your partner thinks you are criticising William, well then, you might get an earful about that.

Bad behaviour vs annoying behaviour

How willing are you to accept your partner’s foibles? It seems obvious to say: we all have personality traits and idiosyncrasies. Some of these are unacceptable, unfair or make a happy relationship impossible. Examples of these include:

Aggression
Addiction
Boorishness
Dishonesty
Dismissiveness
Quick temper
Rudeness

Other types of behaviour can be annoying at times, but these are not necessarily deal-breakers for most of us. The following types of behaviour could be seen as annoying:

Bad table manners
Bossiness
Lateness
Nagging
Neediness
Perfectionism
Procrastination
Talkativeness
Whingeing

These could be behaviours we learnt as a child or as a young adult. If you bossed your brothers and sisters, you may be tempted to boss your partner; if your partner’s mother gave in every time she cried, she may expect you to do the same. Quite often, we may not even realise that we do this.

Why acceptance is important

Certain behaviours are just a part of who we are. This is why acceptance and accommodation are important. In any relationship, you need to accept that you both bring personality traits to the equation. You need to accept your partner’s foibles, however, it is equally important to accept your own. Acceptance comes from the understanding of the ‘I’ that we each bring to the ‘Us’.

What do we mean by acceptance?

True acceptance goes recognises and understands that you come from different family backgrounds and that these have helped shape the people you are. Accepting your partner includes accepting his or her family. You don’t have to love them, or even like them, but you have to accept that they are part and parcel of who your partner is and, at very least, tolerate them for your partner’s sake. Family gatherings are often a true test of acceptance.

Accommodation is the everyday expression of acceptance – the things you do to let your partner know that his or her social, family or romantic needs are important to you. Accommodation could mean making allowances for an overbearing sibling; time apart to spend with friends; or sticking at your partner’s side at a party if he or she is uncomfortable in large gatherings.

It’s not always easy, but truly accepting your partner, your partner’s foibles, and your partner’s family, will mean a much happier relationship.

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