Marriage Therapy

20 Questions For Couple

We all think that we know our partners really well, but how well is that exactly? You may know how your partner feels about children or that they had a crush on their English teacher in school, but it’s amazing how much information we do not share. Do the following exercise with your partner. Answer these questions for yourself and for your partner. Once you have done it, swap answer sheets and give your partner two points for each correct answer, but subtract a point for every wrong or half correct answer.

1. What stresses am I facing right now?
2. What is my fondest unrealised dream?
3. What is my biggest fear?
4. What’s my all-time favourite film?
5. What is my favourite time for lovemaking?
6. What is my favourite way to spend an evening on my own?
7. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life?
8. What one thing am I most proud of about myself?
9. What am I most proud of in my career to date?
10. Name one of my best childhood experiences.
11. Who is my greatest source of support other than you?
12. Name an important event in my life and how I felt about it.
13. Who was my best friend in childhood?
14. What am I most often sad about?
15. What is my favourite food?
16. What would I consider to be my ideal job?
17. What was my most embarrassing moment?
18. Where was I born?
19. Who is my favourite relative?
20. What would be the first thing I’d buy if I won the lottery?

The point of this exercise is not to get a great score (although, well done if you did); it is to stimulate sharing. Consider your partner’s answers. How well did you know what your partner would answer? If you didn’t know many of his or her answers, why is that? Did your memory fail you? Or have you both been holding out telling each other about your past, family life and your innermost fears and dreams?

It is easy to forget to do that. Oddly enough, at the beginning of a relationship couples tend to share snippets of personal information, but the better we know one another, the more likely we are to let daily concerns, such as work or children, dominate our conversations. Most of us do not know our partners as well as we think. The point of this exercise, and of our book, is to make you consider the many unknown factors that influence who you are and how this affects how you relate to each other.

Questions For Couples

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